Writing for Me

As I dive into a career in writing I am of course facing some second guessing and a dip in self-confidence. Writing is not as easy as it looks. Of course, it is easy to execute the act of writing. Pouring thought onto paper (or computer) and letting the sentences form themselves. But that only gets you so far, and its the part that comes next that has always been my favorite part, and to many writers, the most important part of the process. Revision. Taking your initial thoughts and reworking them. Finding "effortless" ways to say things  to capture exactly what you really mean.

My anxious mind loves a second chance. I am no stranger to replaying a situation over and over again, looking for the perfect rebuttal, hours after I had my chance for a witty response. Writing gives me that chance. The opportunity to work through exactly what it is I want to say. I don't always take the opportunity to do this. Sometimes it's out of laziness. Sometimes I don't have the time. But when it comes down to it, I feel unsatisfied with anything I haven't looked over at least a handful of times.

I'm never going to claim to be a great writer. In an art that is forever evolving, an art that is so intricate that every word in a 500 page novel can claim its own importance, I am merely trying to share my experience and my opinion as I go. And that's really all that can be asked of a writer. Sure, some jobs require you strive to reach a specific audience. But ultimately, it is the writers voice and ability to get the reader to relate that drives any given piece. If you aren't writing for yourself you aren't writing to the best of your ability.

I am a man of simple words. I don't boast a giant vocabulary. Not like the guy who tries to confuse the people he interacts with in any given conversation. If anything, I boost the opinions and ideas of others by giving lackluster input like I am barely grasping what they are saying. It's something I do subconsciously. Probably because I've always been aware that only a select few ever become a true expert on something. There is always something new to learn. And so, I naturally view their opinion in an educational light and rarely cast judgement. Even if someone comes to me and starts spewing all their opinions on dogs, there is always a chance they know something I don't, so trying to dominate a conversation with my own knowledge never seems like a logical move to me.

It's after I have gathered this new information, from whoever it may be I've interacted with, that I can go back to the drawing board and pull the things I agree with, the new perspective I never knew existed, the rebuttal I never got out in time. Rethinking, reworking the ideas. A paragraph long facebook response on politics can consume my whole day.

It's that type of thinking that will ultimately reward me as a writer. There is so much to learn, and so much to experience. The little intricacies that go unnoticed by a general reader may be overlooked by myself in a first draft, but going back and thinking about the purpose of every paragraph, every sentence, every word and comma, is what makes it so enjoyable to me. And this process is what drives me to want to learn that much more.

The funny thing about writing is that you need self-confidence to be a great writer. You need to believe that your word, your thought process, is the thing that is going to draw the reader in. Revision is what gives me that confidence, that chance of redemption from my initial muddy thoughts. It is important I remember this, because I will face a lot of rejection as I start this endeavor, but the perseverance and will to continue revising and continue putting myself out there is what is going to bring me results.