I've been doing long training rides with my usual group of riding buddies on the weekends, and been getting dropped hard. Often times twenty miles from home, after spending the whole ride on the rivet and avoiding the front as much as possible. In the past I was more than capable of not only enduring these rides, but often being the one laying the hammer down. This turn of events would usually have me doing anything to make sure it didn't happen next time, but for now, I'm kind of, at least a little bit, proud of it.
Why the hell am I proud of getting my butt handed to me weekend after weekend? It all comes down to that balance thing, the whole point of this blog. Cycling (and running) has been my best friend and my worst enemy for a long while now. I love it so much so that I will neglect everything else in my life. A habit I've fallen into too many times to let happen again at this detrimental point in my life. Last year at this time I was doing 300+ mile weeks in the saddle. Trying to get off work as early as possible, so I could rush home and hop on the bike. Then, spend the rest of the evening with my feet up on the couch. It paved the way for a successful rookie season in the 1/2s and if I were a professional cyclist, it would be considered ideal time management. But as a recreational rube, it hasn't done me any favors. I lost track of career goals. I lost any drive for putting effort into friendships and my wonderful relationship. I even found myself struggling to get up and sweep the floor or do the dishes. Basically, everything outside cycling started going downhill. Not in the fun - 12 miles descending a mountain - kind of way. All of this was happening while I kept throwing the little income I was making into parts and race weekends that brought a surface layer of joy.
I look up to the guys I ride with. Not because they are in better shape than me, but because they have found their balance. Most of them have full-fledged families and an established career already. They have gone through what I am now experiencing, and came out on top. Sure, they have a decade or two of life on me, but it doesn't deter from their accomplishment. They either had to take some time away, or found their balance early on before it became too problematic.
This time around I am putting cycling second. I may not reach the form I once had, but right now I'm ok with that. If I can start seeing success in my career and life goals I will be far happier than a victory in any race I may line up for. I will still get out there and suffer through the weekend in hopes that some sort of form may come around. But for now, I must embrace my bonk, and keep the big picture in mind. I hope someday I will find what works for me. Perhaps regular commuting with a ride in the week and a weekend filled with miles. Perhaps the "power hour" will become a staple in my training. For now, cycling has been taken down a notch to make time for the things that need to be focused on, because they have been neglected for far too long.
No comments:
Post a Comment